I had an Aha! Moment the other day.
I know it sounds Oprah Winfreyish, but it’s the truth.
I was walking home from my mom’s house.
Had just dropped my son off so I could head out to a friend’s birthday get together.
And all of a sudden it occurred to me that I’ve only been allowing myself to get involved with unavailable men.
Inaccessible due to location, emotional or physical distance.
Whatever the issue causing the space, it still boiled down to me CHOOSING men who were unavailable in some form.
And NOT CHOOSING those men who were available.
But here is the kicker.
The Aha! of it all.
The reason why I choose these men is because I haven’t been willing to be 100% available.
Not emotionally or physically.
So it made sense that I would gravitate towards these types of men.
If they were unavailable then they couldn’t possibly complain about me being unavailable as well.
And even if they did complain, I could just move on because I wasn’t invested.
But this isn’t what I’ve been telling myself that I want.
I’ve been telling myself that I want to be fully invested in a relationship.
Both me and my partner.
So the idea that I was sabotaging myself was to say the least, surprising.
I’m still not sure what this revelation means for my future relationships.
I really hope these Aha! Moments come in sets.
*The 2011 BLACK WEBLOG AWARDS NOMINATIONS are now open. The awards are a celebration of African-American bloggers and are decided by the readers. From now until May 7, 2011 you have the option of nominating your favorite blogs. Once the nominees have been chosen then you can return and vote for the winners.
If you would be so kind as to visit the site and nominate The Candy Shoppe, that would be so great.
If you choose to vote us for Best Series use the following URL: https://thecandyshoppe.wordpress.com/category/diary-of-a-hot-mama/ so the committee sees the series all in one.