Short Men Need Not Apply: 5 Reasons Why I Don’t Date Men Under 5′4″

Before I get to my reasons for steering clear of the vertically challenged male.

Let me answer the question that I know is bound to come up.

Well how tall are you?

I am not ashamed to say that I am 5′4″with 3″ heels on.

You do the math.

And if you comment that I am 5′2″, please prepare to have me blast you.

I’m just saying…calculators exist.

Now to my perfectly rational (in my opinion) reasons why I don’t date men under 5′4″:

5.  Last night I found myself perched on the handle of a step stool.

I was attempting to kill a spider that had decided to live rent free in the corner of my room.

And as I precariously balanced at the top of this step stool.

All I could think about was how a man under my height requirement would be of no help.

None.

In the same vein if I have a man I know I will utter the following phrase at least once per week.

“Baby, can you reach (fill in the blank) for me?”

And if his answer is, “Hold on, let me grab the step stool.”

Well that just doesn’t cut it.  Shoot I can use the step stool my darn self.

No, I’m going to have to put my foot down and say no to that.

4.  No girl wants to look larger than she is.

I mean we go through too much to make sure that we look slim, trim, also light-skinned.

Oh hold up I started channelling Slick Rick for a second.

Seriously though, I do not need the added pressure.

And your little butt ain’t doing nothing but making me look like I done put on 5 pounds.

So Mr. Short Stuff since you are not a flattering accessory.

I must banish you to the, “Aww hell nah!!” category.

3.  My son loves roller coasters. 

And I’m talking the kind that make grown men cry and throw up just a little in their mouths.

I on the other hand do not like to ride the kid coaster at the fair.

Man, that thing is crazy rickety and it goes way too fast.

I don’t care if they let children under 3 ride. 

So if you can’t pass the height requirement to accompany my little man on the ride of his choice.

Not only do I not have need for you.

My son will probably punk you.  Head chokes and noogies.

Yeah, not a good look for a grown man.

2.  In my experience I have found that men in miniature tend to walk around with a relatively large chip on their shoulder.

Now I understand that being a little dude ain’t the easiest thing in the world.

However I don’t do well with attitude.  And short men seem to have a lot of it.

Honestly, me and attitude are like me and patron.

I acts up in combination with both.

So to keep me from snapping on fools.

I just leave said mini-men alone.

1.  Lastly, most of the smaller men I have come across are indeed small.

Get your minds out the gutter now people.  I am talking about bone structure.

They tend to be slim to a fault.

Now if you know me, then you know I ain’t never been little.

I’m a thick girl.  And on top of that I’ve been running track all my life.

So I’ve got really strong legs.  Like I maybe could crush a little person between my thighs.

Not saying I would, but hey the possibility is too high to risk.

Now I know there are a lot of height deprived men jumping up and down.

Screaming, “Oooh, oooh, pick me, pick me!”

But like your mom use to say when you were young.

“It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.”

And I can’t have that type of thing on my conscience.

So that pretty much sums it up. 

No offense to my little men but I think its in your best interest to just keep it moving.

Continue your stretching exercises.

And when you hit 5′5″ holler at a sister.

*This post is dedicated to my friend Zillz who believes that my reasons for not dating short men point to the crazy that all pretty women possess.

He has a 20% limit on crazy…I wonder if I’ve exceeded this cut off??

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33 thoughts on “Short Men Need Not Apply: 5 Reasons Why I Don’t Date Men Under 5′4″

  1. *lengthy dramatic sigh*

    Gyrl please. Lemme explain something to you. I am 5’2, 5’6 if I have on my favorite heel, 5’3 1/2 if I’m good and mad at you. And I have NO height requirements. And I hate when people HAVE height requirements. (Well, not hate. I don’t hate you. Just being colloquial. But anyway.) I am thicker than you (TRUST me) and I have dated men three inches taller than me who have put me on my BACK literally AND figuratively.

    I went through your reasons and to tell the truth, I think it’s silly. If he can love you and do for you, then why should it matter if he can’t reach the cabinet? I have a lot of sista friends who need for the men in their life to look and feel manly, something I completely understand. All three shorter men that I have dated made me feel more secure, more cared for, were more manly than all of the taller, more buff men I have ever dated. EVER.

    AND their physiques were NUTS. I mean it. NUTS NUTS NUTS.

    But I digress. (Well, not really. I’m done. I just wanted to say I digress. =oD)

    • Go ahead Mz Kaye. Keep digressing. It seems Mz Shoppe Keeper is a little superficial. It sounds like Mz Perfectly Rational is having a hard time someone special in her life. Any woman who needs to advertise her looks might not be all that (in my opinion). My man is 4 inches shorter than me and he’s more of a man than any men I dated in the past. My short man loves me like no other.

      Mz Shoppe Keeper, I believe you might need to look into yourself and reevaluate how you see our men. Kaye is right it’s hard for us women to find a good man. However I know this is your preference. I will still continue to read your little blog.

      Mz Kaye, I love your blog because you seem to be down to earth and natural.

      • I personally know “Mz Shopper Keeper” as you kindly named her and she is no way or shape or form superficial. She happens to have a great heart and a wonderful mother and great friend. Now of course you might think I’m bias however I’m also a good judge of character. I actually like what she wrote because it’s funny. I mean I wouldn’t date a woman if I can’t lift her or she was taller than me or had bad breath or had a cocked eye or she was a midget. Does this make me superficial? It’s just my preferences and I know I’m a great man.

        Ronnie, continue to do you… I love your blog…

        Luv u

      • @JRAZ: “I wouldn’t date a woman if I can’t lift her or she was taller than me or had bad breath or had a cocked eye or she was a midget. Does this make me superficial?”

        (Please forgive me in advance, I am a former debater…lol)

        The definition of superficial as defined by Merriam Webster is “2 a : concerned only with the obvious or apparent : shallow b : seen on the surface : external”

        A cocked eye or a midget is an outward appearance that, chances are, that person could not avoid, they inherited those things. Bad breath? Get ’em some Breath Asure and a wholesale pack of Orbit gum. Either way, my dear, those are all superficial traits.

        Don’t mistake this as me coming at you, though…superficial qualities, to a certain degree, are not a bad thing…if that’s your preference, then that’s your preference, and yes, you may be missing out on something awesome, but at the end of the day, that’s all on you. You, ultimately, have the right to decide what you want for your life BECAUSE it is, indeed, your life. All I can do is offer an opinion. I don’t have many preferences, but that’s because my approach is different than most, and I recognize that.

    • Ok Ok Ms Kaye I will give the vertically challenged men of this world a try….but only because you said so….and I won’t like it **sulks over to short dude in the office and introduces myself**

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention Short Men Need Not Apply: 5 Reasons Why I Don’t Date Men Under 5′4″ « The Candy Shoppe -- Topsy.com

    • Yet you continue to come back…And it’s always so nice to have you back…even when you change your name and what not. LOL

      P.S. you play nice or I will have to ban you from the playground…cause it’s MY playground.

      You have a nice day now, ya hear.

  3. Pingback: Tweets that mention Short Men Need Not Apply: 5 Reasons Why I Don’t Date Men Under 5′4″ « The Candy Shoppe -- Topsy.com

    • I don’t understand what you mean about changing my name. I was simply defending my opinion on short men and your bff Jraf went on attack mode. However you right It’s your preference. Don’t change your mind to pleases Ms. Kaye

      • Everyone is entitled to their opinion Syd…That is something I pride myself on when it comes to this blog. However I don’t allow any type of attacks. Towards myself or any commenters. And as I previously stated to the commenter JRAF and you, I will block anyone who can’t discuss without attacking. Thanks

  4. I really didn’t think I needed to do this but I guess if I must keep the peace then as moderator I shall do my part. So for the record: I do not only date tall men, have nothing against dark skinned women and really can kill my own spiders and reach my own shoes. I have no problems meeting men, ask Zillz lol. I’m secure in my looks (even understanding I’m not Syd’s type). My writing is not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m okay with that. For any other questions, please refer to: this.

  5. I’m short (5’4″) and have had long lasting relationships with women much taller than me. Actually, my last girlfriend was 6’1″. Your insecurities are yours and not the concern of anyone else. If you feel big, do something about it. Like for example, let it go… because it doesn’t matter. Also, if women expect men to reconsider what is beautiful then they need to respect and heed their own advice. I can only assume you’re jaded towards short guys because you’ve had to experience one of the many that has a Napoleons Complex. Date whomever you wish but list better reasons than “my son likes rollercoasters” or “I have strong legs” if you’re going to blog about it. It sounds like you’re projecting your insecurities on other people so you feel less fat, tall, etc or whatever else your problem is. Also, the tone of this makes you sound like a vapid bitch. Maybe thats why your single and your son has to go on roller coasters by yourself. Wahoo for the internet.

  6. Pingback: Will you date a short person? | latent discrimi-nation

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