It was cute and funny and I even laughed at the Chipotle Burrito point.
See I can laugh because I only eat Chipotle bowls…no burritos for this girl.
But then I got to point 3 and my happy face turned upside down.
Bullet point 3: Too into Sports
No Chest Bumps!!
No High Fives of Fury!! !
As my inner New Yorker likes to say, “Get the f#ck outta here!”
I’m a grown woman!
If I truly love the sport and I want to cheer for my team – like every point scored depends on the fervor of said cheering – well then what about it??
And why should that be a turn off?? And then I decided to come up with my own list.
Actually a step by step guide on how to turn me off.
So, without further ado…
If you are a man, here is how to turn me off in 6 easy steps:
1. Enjoy shopping – Now I’m not talking about taking pleasure in the purchasing of an item, i.e. going out to buy a television or a car or even some new kicks. What I’m speaking on is the time-honored, world-renowned sport of shopping, enjoyed by women everywhere. The we might be out all day (I’m talking 8 hours with maybe a break for lunch) and not even come home with one item kinda shopping. If you are the man who enjoys this…well I won’t resort to name calling.
2. Spend too much time in the bathroom – Now I love a man who looks sharp; takes pride in his appearance and as my son likes to say, is stylish. But when we are regularly late for functions, gatherings and even church (why Jesus gotta wait on you??) because you are primping, then I’m leaving your ass at home. Nuff said.
3. Wear tight or tapered pants – If you wear tight pants of any kind (No I don’t care if skinny jeans are in fashion) then I have a problem with your masculinity and thus we can not move forward in our relationship. Period, point-blank.
4. Cry all the time – Men who are in touch with their emotions, able to cry in either happiness or sorrow are greatly appreciated over in my camp. However, what I can not tolerate is a man who is always whining and complaining over nonsense. He didn’t like how I looked at him Or the tone of my voice Or how I was chatting up the cutie at the fight party :). It is these men that need to man up and suck it up.
5. Over utilize emoticons – If every text, email, instant message or blackberry message you send me contains more than 1 smiley face, kissy face, hug, heart, etc., then please miss me. You are a man, not a five-year old girl.
6. Smoke – If I wanted to tongue kiss an ashtray, then I would buy one of those fancy, expensive, hand-crafted to look like something other than an ashtray and kiss that.